Regrets
by I'mjustboredyouknow
Summary: The characters look back upon things they regret doing or not doing. Rated T because when Daryl's chapter comes up it will most likely have some swearing in it.(This is my first fanfic may not be good sorry)
1. Rick

(A/N I will also be posting Carl's chapter almost immediately after this because I have that one finished and if I manage to finish some more I'll post those today too. Ok this is my first fanfic so it wont be that good but you have to start somewhere right?)

Rick

I've failed so many people so many why do I still do this. I failed my wife, my daughter, and my son. Hell I failed everyone at the prison.

Lori, I shouldn't have drawn away I shouldn't have wanted time to be alone. It was stupid we didn't have time I was stupid and hurt and I made a mistake. You were gone and I wasn't with you I couldn't let you know I loved you and I couldn't say goodbye. What Carl had to go through I should have been there he shouldn't have had to go through that.

Carl, I was mourning and didn't even think to comfort you I wasn't there for you like I should have been, but I was too stuck in my regrets and sadness to realize that you had been through more then me but you carried on and I wasn't there for you. I tried I did when we went to farm I thought it was the best for you and I but you didn't see it that way. I thought I could bring you back I knew you had changed while we were at the farm you weren't the same, you killed a kid was it my fault? Did I make you think that because I had killed threats that he was too even though he had surrendered? Who are we Carl? Who am I? The question you asked wont leave my head am I just a man who has failed the ones he loved and is trying not to do the same to his son? To the people we are with I said that their screwing with the wrong people but can we really make it out of this? I'm so sorry Carl for everything but I'll make sure we get out of this for you.

I failed Judith she was so young and now she's gone. There was so much blood so much, my daughter had to have…left…so painfully she was just a baby she didn't deserve that, Lori died so she could live and now she's gone. There were so many things she wouldn't have gotten to experience but she still would've been here with me and Carl I couldn't save my baby girl who I wanted so bad to hear her first words and to see her walk for the first time but I don't get to experience that because I failed.

I failed everyone at the prison I should have been out there with Michonne searching for him so I could stop him before he got back but I didn't. People are dead, my daughter is dead, and I don't even know where some people are. I failed everyone in this car besides Glenn's new friends. I hope some people survived, I hope they didn't come here, I hope they thought it was suspicious, I hope they make it in this world.


	2. Carl

(A/N Ok so most of our characters will regret "failing" people in my opinion they didn't fail but when you put yourself down those thoughts come up but Carl's a little different we saw in the last episode that Carl is not so much afraid of his dad but of what he thinks he is becoming so Carl believing he is a "monster" is a theme here)

Carl

I am a monster Michonne doesn't believe it but I am. I've done things I wish I hadn't that I wish I could just take back. I was there when my dad was supposed to kill Randal I told him to do it. I had WANTED to watch someone get killed why? I was amused by the idea of being able to kill of being tough and I thought that watching Randal die would be a piece of cake that it would show just how grown up I could be. I was wrong for wanting to watch him die I am a monster.

I had told my dad I would've done the same to Sophia seeing her as a walker I had cried I had held on to my mom yet I had told him I would have done the same. I lied I wanted to seem capable, Sophia was my friend I wanted to see her again so bad and when I did I insisted that I would have shot her. I yelled at Carol for telling me Sophia was in heaven she had just lost her daughter and I yelled at her. I said I would've shot my friend when in reality if I were my dad I'd have curled up in a ball and I yelled at her grieving mother. Where had my morals gone?

I killed someone not someone who was going to hurt me but someone who was lowering his gun but I killed him anyways. I understand now how horrible that was at the time I convinced myself that it was the best for my family when really I had just WANTED to pull the trigger I had wanted to so I am a monster. That kid probably had a family and I killed him Hershel he told me it was wrong he told me and I insisted that what I had done was for the best. He never said it but I know he thought I was terrible for doing it because I was. Worst of all I LIED to my dad about it I told him he had his gun drawn. Did I think I would get away with it? I don't remember.

I am a monster I don't blame my dad for what he did he was defending me that man was going to…. rape me and my dad stopped that he did the right thing nothing I've ever done was justified. Maybe I can come back or maybe someone can bring me back like Michonne told me. I don't want to be a monster forever.


End file.
